1.    Write about your inner critic. Where does it show up in your life?

2.    Write about something hard for you now. In what way does your inner critic show up when you are struggling? What does it say?

3.    Imagine your inner critic in front of you. Ask these questions and notice what shows up:

a.    Why are you here?

b.   How are you trying to help me?

c.    What do you need from me?

4.    In moments of struggle, what would you want your compassionate inner coach to say to you (e.g. You are enough, I accept you as you are, You’re doing the best you can)?

5.    The threat system picks up on perceived dangers and provokes strong emotions that motivate us to seek safety (avoid or control). What people, situations, or activities trigger your threat system? What happens in your body? How do you behave?

6.    Think of a time that you were struggling and received compassion/kindness from another person. What did this person say and do that was kind or compassionate? Describe this person’s tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions. How did you feel receiving this?

7.    Today, think of a time when you gave compassion to someone who was struggling. What did you feel? What did you do to show compassion?

8.    Write about a struggle you are having now. What qualities of compassion, such as you noted on the past two entries, could you offer yourself?

9.    Are you connected to your body, or do you spend most of your time living in your head? How do you mask or ignore your body’s inner signals? Are there negative consequences when you disconnect from your body?

10.  Turn your attention inward. Notice your level of hunger, physical aches and pains, tension, and fatigue. Write about these sensations. What is your body asking for right now?

11.   Write about the quality of your mind today. Is it busy? Slow? Calm? Scattered? Clear? Notice your urge to write about the content of what you’re thinking. For now, just describe its quality.

12.  Set a timer for one minute. Write down all the thoughts you have in that time. When you’re done, step back and observe the content of your mind.

13.  Describe what you are feeling right now. Where in your body do you feel your emotions? What are their sensations? What urges, images, or memories are associated with how you are feeling?

14.  Write down the people who really matter to you. How do you miss their bids for attention? How can you show up in a more present way? What’s one thing you can do to be more present with those you love?

15. Write about what your mind has been chattering about today. What are some of the comments your mind is making about you, your future, the world around you? Which of these comments are helpful (those you want to listen to)? Which are unhelpful (those you want to disregard)?

16. Sometimes it helps to not take our thoughts so seriously. Imagine watching your mind like you would watch a movie. What thoughts and images grab your attention? What worry, regret, and criticism scripts are you caught in?

17. Think about a time when you tried to control your thoughts or think only positive thoughts. How successful were your efforts in the long run?

18. Are there topics that you try to not think about lately? What are they? How well is that working?

19. Write down positive and negative self-judgements. For example, I’m friendly, or I’m too short. Next, write your self-judgements as observations that give context and perspective, such as “sometimes” and “in my opinion.” For example, Sometimes I make time to chat and I’m five-foot three.

20. What differences did you notice between the self-judgements and the observations you made yesterday? Does it change your perspective? Do you feel differently when thinking about the self-judgements vs. the observations?

21. Our mind loves to follow rules, even if it limits us. For example, we have unconscious rules like wear matching socks, or drink tea from a mug not a bowl, or wear shoes outside. We also have unconscious rules like, If I say no to my friends, I’ll hurt their feelings, and I can’t eat processed foods because it’s unhealthy. Write down some of your rules.

22. Which rules that you wrote down yesterday are helpful to you? Which ones cause problems? What would it be like to experiment with breaking some of these rules, just to practice being flexible?

23. Our minds are good at comparing ourselves to others, which can create high standards and all kinds of shoulds. We create an ideal world in which we can never measure up. For example:

• I shouldn’t have people over unless my house is perfectly clean.

• I should respond to an email the same day I receive it.

• My friends should know its my birthday and call me.

• My partner should appreciate it when I sweep the floor.

Write down some of the shoulds that might be limiting you (I should…I shouldn’t…they should…they shouldn’t…).

24. How are the shoulds you wrote about yesterday keeping you from doing the things that matter to you? If you didn’t follow them, how would your life be? What would it be like to loosen up those standards and be more flexible with yourself?

25. Our brains build neural connections when we take action on what we think about. Sometimes, we listen to our inner critic’s thoughts, which guides us to avoid pain (we hide, don’t speak up, shy away) from things we want to do. So we develop a habit of avoiding people, activities, events, etc. What people, activities, events, etc., do you have a habit of avoiding? Which ones would you like to try if you did listen to your inner critic?

26. Think back to a time when you did something you didn’t think you could do or didn’t want to do. What did this experience tell you about who is in change of your actions - you or your inner critic?

27. What did you learn about expressing your thoughts and feelings growing up. Which thoughts and feelings were acceptable to share? Which weren’t?

28. Do these messages about sharing your thoughts and feelings influence you now? Personally? In your relationships?

29. We all have ways in which we avoid discomfort. For example, people often use their phones as a distraction or boredom reliever. This is a problem when it pulls you away from living your life in the way that matters to you. Which of the following avoidance strategies do you use?

• Numbing: Overeating, restricting food, drinking, using drugs, overexercising, harming yourself

• Bracing: Tense up, clench jaw, tighten belly, hold your breath

• Distracting: Daydream/fantasize, make jokes, thrill seek, multitask, or overuse technology

• Giving up: Avoid signing up, isolate, sleep too much, say no, cancel, or hide?

• Rushing through: Overwork, stay busy, strive for more, talk quickly, move quickly?

• Overthinking: Intellectualize, ruminate, worry, mentally problem solve, overanalyze?

• Blaming: Point fingers, judge, criticize yourself or others?

  How do these avoidance strategies make dealing with discomfort easier? What are the short-term benefits? What are the long-term costs?