Maybe it looks like snapping at your partner for breathing too loudly. Maybe it’s impatience with your kids that feels out of character. Maybe you’re holding it together all day, and then one tiny thing tips you over and you feel this hot, sharp surge of rage that scares you.

You’ve optimized routines. You’ve read the books. You’ve pushed through exhaustion. You’ve adapted, adjusted, and carried on — often quietly, competently, and without much support.

So when perimenopause arrives and things start to feel harder, the reflex is often the same…

Many women in perimenopause describe the emotional sensitivity as feeling like they have “thinner skin.” Things that once rolled off, now register. Conversations replay in your mind. Disappointment feels sharper. Even affection can feel more intense.

Many women experiencing perimenopausal rage have never identified as “angry people.” They may have been the calm one, the peacemaker, the responsible one, the one who held things together.

So when anger breaks through, it can feel frightening — even shameful.