How to Support Yourself in Perimenopause (Without Pushing Yourself Harder)
By the time many women reach perimenopause, they’ve already tried “fixing” themselves more times than they can count.
You’ve optimized routines. You’ve read the books. You’ve pushed through exhaustion. You’ve adapted, adjusted, and carried on — often quietly, competently, and without much support.
So when perimenopause arrives and things start to feel harder, the reflex is often the same:
What do I need to change? What am I doing wrong? What should I fix next?
But perimenopause is not asking for a reinvention of your life.
It’s asking for a different relationship with your capacity.
Perimenopause Is a Season of Support, Not Self-Improvement
Much of the messaging aimed at women in midlife frames this transition as a problem to solve or a version of yourself to “get back.”
But perimenopause isn’t a detour from who you were — it’s a shift in how your body, brain, and nervous system function under load.
As hormonal buffering changes, the strategies that once worked — pushing harder, staying busy, managing quietly — become less effective and more costly.
Your system needs support rather than pressure.
If you want a deeper understanding of how perimenopause affects emotional regulation and more, you can read my full guide to the psychology of perimenopause here:
The Emotional & Psychological Symptoms of Perimenopause
Start by Letting Go of the Idea That You’re Behind
One of the most stressful parts of perimenopause is the sense that you’re falling behind your own expectations.
Behind at work.
Behind at home.
Behind on self-care.
Behind on who you thought you’d be by now.
That pressure alone can keep the nervous system in a constant state of activation.
Support often begins when the idea of “catching up” is released.
Support Looks Smaller Than You’ve Been Taught to Expect
Many women assume that “supporting yourself” means major changes: a new routine, a new mindset, a new plan.
In reality, the most effective support during perimenopause is often quiet and unglamorous.
Support might look like:
protecting your sleep more fiercely
doing fewer things
lowering expectations rather than raising motivation
creating emotional rest, not productivity
saying no without explaining
allowing yourself to stop before you’re depleted
These are not signs of giving up.
They are signs of listening to your nervous system.
Reduce Load Before You Add Coping Strategies
A common mistake is layering coping strategies on top of an already overloaded life. Meditation apps, supplements, exercise plans, mindset work — all well-intentioned, but often added without removing anything first.
For many women, the most supportive question isn’t “What else should I do?”
It’s “What can I stop doing — or stop doing alone?”
Support often means:
reducing emotional labour
sharing responsibility more realistically
letting some things remain unfinished
allowing “good enough” to be enough
Your nervous system benefits more from less demand than from more tools.
If you’ve been feeling constantly overloaded, this post explains why perimenopause makes everyday demands feel so much heavier.
Support Your Nervous System Before You Try to Change Your Thoughts
Perimenopause increases nervous system sensitivity. When the system is overstimulated or exhausted, cognitive strategies alone can feel frustrating or ineffective.
Before asking yourself to think differently, it helps to support your body first:
consistent sleep and wake times
predictable routines
sensory boundaries
fewer transitions
quieter environments
slower pacing
When the nervous system feels more settled, emotions become easier to hold — not because they disappear, but because there’s more internal room for them.
If anxiety, irritability, overwhelm, or emotional sensitivity have been present, supporting the nervous system often brings more relief than “figuring things out.” I explore emotional sensitivity in perimenopause in more detail here and rage and irritability here.
Let Support Be Relational, Not Just Internal
Many women approach perimenopause as something they should manage privately. But this transition often requires more relational support, not less.
That might mean:
naming what’s hard instead of hiding it
letting people see you rest
asking for accommodations
working with a therapist who understands midlife transitions
connecting with other women who are in the same season
Needing support does not mean you’re failing at independence, rather it means you’re responding appropriately to change.
You Don’t Need to Fix Yourself to Get Through This
Perimenopause doesn’t require you to become a better version of yourself.
It requires you to be more honest about your limits.
Support in this season is not about discipline or self-improvement.
It’s about alignment — with your body, your energy, and your reality.
Nothing about you is broken.
Nothing about this needs to be rushed.
You are allowed to move through this phase with care, pacing, and support — without reinventing your entire life along the way.
A Final Thought
If perimenopause is asking you for anything, it’s this:
Less pressure.
More permission.
And support that meets you where you are — not where you think you should be.
There’s the wisdom.
Let me know if I can be part of that support for you.
The information on this website is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment or to replace your relationship with your health care provider. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read or seen on this site.